Yesterday afternoon I actually was rolling on the floor in laughter thinking about something that happened at school earlier in the year. By the end of the day I cried so hard my eyes hurt for the rest of the day.

I cried about Nik and the reflection I saw when I looked in the mirror. I just want to cover my mirror with paper or posters so I'll never have to lookat myself again. But that might not work, like last year at school I was just picturing myself and I almost started to cry. I just kept my face down and hid my shame and ugliness from the world. But maybe after all they've done they deserve to look at it.

I wrote some random short poetry last night, I think I'll write it in here later. Like tonight.

Why do I feel like this? I'm feeling like I have no right to be unhappy. That just because Nik wrote that he is going through life twists that I have no reason to be sad. That he's been going through a lot more than I have. But I know this is not true...why can't I just get myself to belive it?! I disgust myself. I hate the way I look and the way I react to everything. I hate myself.

diary of the day: clauren Babylambs diary! So funny and a great read. She's always been there for me and she's just awesome..I just love her

backwards and forwards

break - Saturday, Oct. 25, 2003
More Quizzes! - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
reply - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
A Dream Within a Dream - Friday, Oct. 17, 2003
Mom doesn't know what they mean - Sunday, Oct. 12, 2003