As you know I have struggled with eating disorders for almost a year now. Going back and forth-thinking about bulimia,to anorexia,to holding it off, and so on. I have to say now my updated situation.

I am anorexic and bulimic. I have anorexia, and am currently on a short fast. I have bulimia...somewhat. For about half a week, I've been trying to throw up what I'm eating. I get to the point of where I can FEEL the stuff coming up, so I take out my fingers and open my mouth wider. But nothing comes out. I am getting the sore throat, and other things that you get from bulimia,but I still can't actually throw up. It is driving me crazy and I feel like a failure. Like I can't do anything.

With anorexia...

For awhile I've been thinking that I am obbsessive-compulsive. I KNEW I had the disorder..but I didn't know what part of me was obbsessive or compulsive. I now know. All I can think about most of the time is my wieght and food. It rules my mind, and no matter how hard I try I can't stop thinking about it. Compulsive...if I have a compulsion then it's probably cutting. But I'm not going to go into it.

I haven't eaten since late last night. I feel proud almost about it. Great. I'm going to try not to eat until Thursday...maybe longer. But I promised Kelly I won't go over a week.

I feel somewhat better now....I'm glad I have diaryland and the diaryland community.

Diary of the day: dramakittyw I lubs ya taco taytay =)...I think you should read her! She's very nice and awesome.

backwards and forwards

break - Saturday, Oct. 25, 2003
More Quizzes! - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
reply - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
A Dream Within a Dream - Friday, Oct. 17, 2003
Mom doesn't know what they mean - Sunday, Oct. 12, 2003